Kashmiri Weddings are full of joyful and
traditional ceremonies. First step towards a Kashmiri wedding is the
matching of the horoscopes or teknis of the prospective bride and
groom. Emphasis is also laid into matching the background, status
and the reputation of the family of the prospective match. Once the
alliance is finalized, the bride's parents propose the wedding date.
When the groom's parents also give their consent, the purohit fixes
the wedding date. The wedding can take place in the morning or in
the night.
Pre-Wedding Rituals:
Several interesting and colorful ceremonies are observed as a part
of the pre-wedding rituals in a traditional Kashmiri wedding.
Vanna or Formal Engagement:
Vanna or a formal commitment ceremony takes place
once the two families agree to the alliance. The vanna ceremony
takes place in front of an idol. Following the tradition, the
elderly persons of both sides meet in temple and exchange
flowers as a sign of celebration of the formalization of the
alliance. The girls' family lays out a meal comprising of
traditional Kashmiri food. Besides, in the respective houses of
the bride and the groom, the eldest aunt (of the boy and the
girl) prepares var (a special rice pudding) which is distributed
among the neighbors and relatives. The girl's family sends cash,
dry fruits and a pot containing nabad (misri) to the boy's
house.
Livun: Livun is the
traditional cleansing of the house before a wedding. The bride's
family and the boy's family do not necessarily do the livun on
the same day. All the married female members of the family
attend the ceremony. This is also the day when the waza or
family cook arrives and puts together a mud-and-brick oven
called war in the backyard of the house. This is where the
traditional meals will be cooked for the wedding ceremonies.
Wanwun: Few days before
the wedding, Wanwun or music sessions are held every evening at
the houses of both, the bride and the groom. Relatives and
neighbours participate in these sessions and make them lively
and fun-filled.
Maanziraat: The
maanziraat ceremony takes place a week prior to the wedding. It
begins with krool khanun, a ceremony, which involves decorating
the door of the houses of the prospective bride and the groom.
Later, in the evening, the bride follows an elaborate bathing
ritual. After the bath, her eldest aunt decorates her hands and
feet with maanz or henna. The women invited for this occasion
are served a delicious Kashmiri meal prepared by the waza. This
is followed by a lively wanvun or music session.
Bariyan: Usually around
two to three weeks before the wedding, flat lentil cakes or
bariyan are made to flag off the wedding preparations in the
houses of both the bride and the groom.
Sending of Thaals: This
ceremony takes place two to three days before the wedding.
Bride's family sends out 51 thaals to the groom's family. The
thaals are large plates of sweets, fresh and dry fruit, khajur,
ghee, sugar and gota (special mixture made only during Kashmiri
weddings).
Phoolon ka Gehna: Around
two days before the wedding, groom's family sends flower jewelry
and tinsel to the bride. The girl adorns this jewellery as a
symbol of her first shringar.
Mehendi: Mehendi
generally takes place one or two days before the wedding. First
there is a puja. Then the girl's hands (palms and fingers) and
feet are adorned with mehendi (henna) patterns. In the groom's
house, a little mehendi is applied on his hands as a shagun.
Diugun: Diugun takes
place on the morning of the wedding day separately in the houses
of the bride and the groom. The elders in the respective
families apply a paste of curd, gram flour (besan) and saffron
to the bride and groom's heads. Then the bride and the groom
take a bath (separately in their own houses). This is followed
by a pooja. After this puja, the bride, the groom and their
parents observe a fast till the wedding is over. The parents of
the bride give her jewelry, clothes, household items, etc. An
essential item of the jewelry is the dijaru, an ear ornament,
which is the sign of a married Kashmiri woman
Sanzvaru: The boy's
family sends sanzvaru for the bride. This essentially consists
of cosmetics, a small mirror, sindoor, a pamur or a shawl and
also special paan or betel leaf encased in silver and gold warq
or foil. The bride dresses for the wedding using these
cosmetics.
Devgon: The devgon is a
ceremony that marks the transition of the bride and the groom
from brahmacharya ashram to grihastha ashram. The ceremony is
observed separately by the girl's family and the boy's family in
their respective homes. The bride and the groom worship God
Shiva and Goddess Parvati. The parents of the bride and the
groom perform a havan in their respective houses. In the case of
the bride, first there is the kansihran ceremony. Young girls
hold a veil over the bride's head and relatives shower a mixture
of water, rice, milk, curd and flowers. The maternal uncle of
the bride gifts her a new set of clothes. The boy is also given
a kansihran.
Dressing of the Bride and the
Groom: Relatives assist the bride and the groom, as
they dress for the occasion in elaborate wedding gear. The
groom's paternal uncle helps him to tie the gordastar (turban).
A gold thread is used to tie a peacock feather to the gordastar.
Welcoming the Marriage Procession:
Relatives of the bride greet the procession warmly as
it arrives to the wedding venue. The fathers of the bride and
the groom exchange jaiphal or nutmeg symbolizing the
solemnization of the relationship with a promise of a life-long
friendship. The groom and bride escorted by her maternal uncle
stand on the vyog that has been specially created for the
occasion. The eldest female member of the family feeds nabad to
the bride and the groom and kisses them on the forehead. Two
rice pots are given away to the poor. The couple is led by the
family purohit to the door. He performs a small ceremony here
called dwar pooja before leading them to the lagan mandap.
Wedding Rituals:
Just an in other Hindu marriages, in Kashmiri marriages too the
purohit performs the rituals in front of a sacred fire. One of the
rituals, aathwas, requires the couple to cross their arms and hold
hands in this position. Their hands are covered with a cloth.
According to an interesting Kashmiri folklore, the first to be able
to pull out the engagement ring of the other will be the one to play
a dominating role in the relationship. A mananmal or golden thread
is tied to their foreheads. The left foot of the bride and groom are
placed on a kajwat or grinding stone. The first phera around the
sacred fire is made by stepping on seven one-rupee coins. There are
a total of seven pheras. The bride and groom feed each other some
rice at the end of the ceremony. This is followed by a vidai
ceremony.
Post-Wedding Rituals:
Given below is the short description of the traditional
post-wedding rituals of a Kashmiri Wedding.
Welcoming the Newly-Weds: The
groom's eldest aunt refuses the newly-weds entry into their home
until she is given cash or jewelry. The couple must stand on a
specially created vyog and have nabad, offered by the groom's
eldest aunt. She kisses them on the forehead. A pair of pigeons
is set free to celebrate the arrival of the newly-weds. The
mananmal tied on the forehead of the couple are exchanged. The
aunt leads them to the kitchen where they must sit on the mud
stove. The waza serves them food and the aunt feeds them. After
the meal, the bride changes into the new set of clothes and
jewellery, presented to her by her in-laws.
Satraat: Accompanied by
her husband and a couple of children from the husband's family,
the bride goes to her parents' house. The parents of the bride
give the bride a set of new clothes and some salt and cash. The
groom is also presented with new clothes including a dusa - a
six-yard pashmina shawl.
Phirlath: This is the
ceremony that takes place when the couple visit the bride's
parents for the second time. Once again, they are given new
clothes to mark the occasion.
Roth Khabar: On a
Saturday or Tuesday after the wedding, the bride's family sends
roth khabar to the groom's family. Roth is a one metre long and
two and a half metres wide cake which is descorated with nuts.
Usually an odd number of these cakes is sent. The bride then
goes to her parents' house, accompanied by the person who
brought the roth khabar. Then the groom's family sends someone
to fetch the bride.
